On The Next Maury
by Toni The Mink
Summary: Today on Maury... Launch accuses Tien of neglecting his duties as a father... but IS he really the father! Also, Bulma has a heartbreaking secret to tell Vegeta... will she survive? (contains usage of the "F" bomb)
1. Is Tien the Father?

_A/N: This is just a silly little story that I needed to get out of my system. it's not meant to be taken TOO seriously..._

_On another note, this is NOT an anti-Lunch, or anti-TxL. I actually love both the character AND the couple. This is all just satire._

_And Ziyuu belongs to JoSav._

* * *

_ Today on The Maury Show…_

_ Scandalous Sex Secrets! Paternity tests galore! Excitement and shock factor! All today!_

The camera panned over the excited audience members as they cheered and waved wildly. They all jumped from their seats and gave an enthusiastic applaud as the host of the trashy talk show, an aged, gray-haired man, approached the stage. He welcomed his audience with a wave before taking a seat and crossing his legs.

"Welcome to the Maury show!" he happily announced, "Today we're going to share secrets and solve mysteries… The secrets, of course, being heart breaking and scandalous, and the mysteries are who the father is."

His arm reached out and motioned towards a young woman with vicious green eyes and a red bow tied in her blonde hair. Her arms were crossed, and her face brimmed with anger. "Our first guest is Launch… Launch is a very unusual woman. She has been diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder. Launch, would you like to tell our viewers what that means?"

Launch huffed. "It means, boneheads, that I change personalities whenever I sneeze."

"When you SNEEZE?" Maury laughed, "That is indeed unusual!"

The audience gave a chuckle themselves. Frazzled, Launch jumped from her seat, whipped out an uzi, and fired blank range into the crowd. The members screamed and dove for cover. "Whattya laughin' at?!" Launch screamed as she shot, "Y'think YOU lot are all perfect little pansies yourselves?!"

"Launch, that's enough!" Maury yelled, as security rushed in to restrain the banshee and take away her gun. She screamed at them not to touch her, but after awhile, finally found her cool and settled down. "Now Launch, we're here to help you, remember?" Maury scolded, "So I would appreciate you NOT trying to kill my audience members."

Launch crossed her arms once more. "Fine. Sorry…"

Maury cleared his throat. "As I was saying," he continued, "You indeed are an unusual woman, with unusual circumstances. Not only do you have a split personality, but you also have a one year old daughter named Ziyuu."

One the monitors, the image of a infant appeared. She had big black eyes, and short but beautiful blue hair. The audience members went "awwww" at the sight. Even Launch couldn't help but smile at her pride and joy.

"What a beautiful child," Maury beamed, "But there's one problem… With Launch's personality disorder, she doesn't know who the father is!"

"Maury, I do too know who the father is!" Launch growled, threatening her fist, "You callin' me a skank whore or somethin'?!"

"No, of course not!" said Maury, "But you told our producers something else..." He addressed the monitors, "Everyone take a look."

The monitors switched to a picture of Launch… only Launch had blue hair instead of blonde, big blue eyes, and a sweet looking face, as opposed to the fierce face of her blonde counterpart.

_"My name is Launch, and I'm here in hopes of finding the father of my beautiful little girl, Ziyuu. I have two personalities, and to be honest, I'm not sure who the father of my little girl is. Well, there was this ONE guy that I sort of date every now and then… It was only once… Oh, and at my trucking company's office party, somebody spiked the punch, and I somehow woke up without my panties… My other half, the meaner one, sounds more likely to sleep around with any guy. Maybe she knows who the father is."_

"YOU SLUT!" Launch screamed, jumping from her seat and pulling out a pistol, shooting bullets at one of the monitors and sparking them out of commission, "YOU LITTLE BITCH! YOU'RE the one sleeping around with strangers! I am NOT that kinda girl, okay?!"

"Launch, that's ENOUGH!" Maury shouted as security confiscated her gun, "Now no more shooting!"

"Maury, that idiot is wrong! I don't sleep around!" Launch shouted, "SHE'S the one opening up for all the world to see! I've got better things to do with my time…"

"But YOU… THIS persona… YOU'VE slept with someone, right?"

"Only one man, Maury," said Launch, "I'd never run around town, 'cause I've been saving it all for him."

"And herein lies ANOTHER problem…" Maury spoke as the monitors (the remaining ones anyway) showed the image of a tall, VERY well-built man, bald, and with three-eyes, standing backstage. "Tien here DENIES being the father."

"FREAKIN' DEADBEAT!" Launch reached for her guns, but they were all taken away. She settled for slamming her fist into her palm over and over.

Tien closed his eyes and sighed heavily. "What nonsense…"

"Let's hear what Tien had to say," said Maury.

_Tien glared at the camera, zooming in a little "too" close to him. "I am _not _the father of Launch's child," he said calmly, "It's true that I slept with her once. But the lady has TWO personalities, and the other one is certain there were other men. She even had an 'office party' incident. I hate to be prude, but the child doesn't even LOOK like me. Where's her third eye? Launch, you are a PSYCHOPATH. You are annoying! Please just leave me alone so I can train to get stronger!"_

"BRING HIM OUT!" Launch screeched, jumping from her chair with such force it fell over, "Bring that deadbeat bastard out here!"

"Very well," said Maury, "Here's Tien, everybody!"

Tien came out from the backstage and made his way to the center, ignoring the booing and hissing from the audience members, as well as Launch's "STOP DENYING YOUR CHILD! SHE IS SO YOUR DAUGHTER!" He briefly shook Maury's hand and took a seat on the host's opposite side, as Launch picked her chair up and plopped back down.

"Tien, welcome to the show," Maury greeted.

The triclops gave a short nod. "Thank you for having me… despite I didn't really want to come on, and being here in front of a live studio audience and taping our personal matters for all of television to see is rather humiliating," he muttered.

"Anytime," Maury smiled, "Tien, why don't you think you're the father?"

"It's possible I might be," said Tien, "But it seems very unlikely."

"COWARD!" Launch shouted.

Ignoring her, Tien continued, "Launch's other personality said there were other men in her life. It seems very unlike her, but I barely see Launch to have fathered her child."

"How often DO you see her?" Maury questioned.

"One TOO often," Tien grumbled.

The audience booed, and Launch flipped Tien off. "You don't know what you're missin'!" she hissed.

Tien didn't seem to care.

"But Tien," said Maury, "If Launch is such a problem for you, WHY did you sleep with her?"

Tien sighed. "Well… My goals are to train hard and be as strong as Goku, if not stronger… But one night, I let my hormones get the best of me."

"You wished you could have more!" Launch hissed.

Tien twitched his nose. "It was only once, and I left immediately the next morning. Months later, she managed to hunt me down once more, pregnant, and insisted it was mine. I thought it may have, but when she sneezed, the other Launch said not likely, as she was further along than I expected. I tend to believe _her_."

"If she's so great, why did she SLEEP AROUND?!" Launch roared.

Tien crossed his arms in response.

"Tien, if this child proves to be yours, will you step up and be the father?" asked Maury.

Tien nodded. "Absolutely."

"You'd BETTER!" Launch screeched, "At this point, you are SO in the hole when it comes to child support! You know how much a baby costs?! You know how many banks I had to rob just to keep up?!"

"I thought you gave that lifestyle up!" said Tien.

Launch shrugged. "Some old habits die hard."

"If I am the father, you WILL give it up permanently or ELSE!"

"Or else WHAT?!"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" shouted Maury, waving a manila envelope in the air, "We're going to find out RIGHT NOW!"

The audience cheered as Maury took his seat and opened the envelope. "In the case of one year old Ziyuu, Tien…."

"You ARE the father!" Launch shouted. Tien twitched his nose, waiting for the answer.

Maury read the results. "…. You are NOT the father!"

At this, Tien couldn't help but jump from his seat, with a loud "YES!" as he pumped his fist. Launch, distressed at the news, leaped up and raced to the backstage. Maury hurried after her, all while Tien continued cheering and high-fiving the crowd. As he approached the stage, he noticed on the monitors Launch crumpled on the couch, her face in her hands, crying uncontrollably. He then realized how completely foolish he was acting, cleared his throat, then calmly made his way to the backstage.

"Launch…" Maury spoke, patting the woman's back, "We will help you find out who the real father is, if you want us to. But it's not Tien. So you need to stop harassing him now…"

"I'll kill her…" Launch wept, "I'll kill that fucking whore…. I don't care if I end up killing myself, if I could take her down with me….!"

She lifted her head once she felt someone sit on her opposite side, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Are you okay?" Tien asked.

Launch wiped her eyes with her arm, "I'm sorry…" she muttered.

"It's all right…" said Tien, allowing her to bury her face into his shirt and cry off. "I'll help you find the father, if you want."

"Thank you…."

Maury turned to the cameras. "We'll be back after this!"

* * *

**_COMING UP!: _**_Bra looks everything like her mother! But not a thing like her father… And now Bulma has to reveal to her husband why! And also, Throwback Thursday! This isn't Bulma's first appearance on the Maury show! See what was bugging her first time around!_

* * *

_NOTE: Again, Ziyuu belongs to JoSav, and she IS Tien's daughter... only because Tien and Launch never DID have children, I only changed that little aspect for THIS story only. :P_


	2. Bulma's Secret

The crowd waved their hands cheerfully as the camera rolled over them once more, before settling on the center stage, where Maury sat with an aging woman with teal-colored hair.

"Welcome back to the Maury show," Maury greeted, "My next guest says she has a secret so devastating, she's afraid it just might be the end of her…"

The crowd gave a collective gasp.

"Everybody meet Bulma. Now this is Bulma's second appearance on the Maury show," Maury turned to the teal-haired woman, "Bulma first came on the show to see if her ex-boyfriend Yamcha was cheating on her or not…"

"Maury, that's in the past," Bulma grumbled, "I'm here on a completely different matter…"

"I think it's kind of similar," said Maury, "Tell everyone why you're here today."

Bulma sighed sadly. "Maury, ever since I left Yamcha for Vegeta, we've been madly in love… We not only had Trunks, but years later, we also had a little girl named Bra."

Behind her, the monitors displays an image of a little toddler girl, who was nearly the spitting image of Bulma herself. The subtitles below read "Bra: Age 3". The audience aww'd and coo'd.

"She's beautiful," smiled Maury, "She looks just like you."

Bulma nodded. "That's the thing… She's an exact replica of me. She was never born with a tail, she never shows any interest in violence, fighting, or anything… She doesn't even have a broad forehead like most saiyans do."

"Saiyans..?" said Maury, "You mean those two aliens that came to Earth and blew up a city and tried to annihilate us?"

"Yes," said Bulma, "I married the prince of saiyans."

"Hooo boy," Maury breathed, "First a gun-wielding maniac, now a mass murderer…"

"Vegeta isn't like that anymore," said Bulma, "He's become… well, SLIGHTLY good. But I'm afraid once I tell him this secret, he'll go berserk and kill me… and everyone in the audience…."

"All right then," Maury said, slightly sense, "What's your secret?"

"The secret is…. Three years ago, on New Year's Eve, I got super drunk, and I barely remember what happened…" Tears formed in Bulma's eyes, "…But I think I may have slept with someone else, and Bra may not be his!"

_"Ohhhhhh!"_ The audience gapsed in shock and in entertainment, and soon the dirty words came flying at Bulma. Normally the egotistic woman would flip them off and call them haters, accompanied with "Whatever, whatever!" But this time around, Bulma was too ashamed of her secret to give them that satisfaction.

After the crowd finally calmed down, Maury asked, "What do you think will happen when you tell Vegeta this secret?"

"Maury, I'm so afraid that he's going to leave me..." wept Bulma, "….before he tears my head clean off my neck."

"But if he might not be the father, he deserves to know that fact," said Maury.

Bulma reluctantly nodded. "You're right…"

"We have Vegeta in the back right now, in a soundproof room." Maury announced, as the monitors displayed the picture of a muscular man, with tall spiky hair, and a very disgruntled face, "And we tried to find out what he thought about his wife keeping a secret from him. Let's hear what he had to say…."

_"GET THAT DAMN CAMERA OUT OF MY FACE!" __***KA-BLAM!* *zzzzzzzzz***_

"… Okaaaaay," spoke Maury, "Let's just bring him out. Here's Vegeta, everybody!"

The crowd gave a supportive applause as the prince of all saiyans stepped out onto the stage, ignoring the cheers and claps. He took a seat next to Bulma, who kissed him on the cheek. He lightened his gloomy demeanor in response towards her.

"Now Vegeta…" Maury started.

"What is it, worm?!" Vegeta spat.

"Uh…." Maury sweated, "We, er, um, tried to get your feelings on this situation… Tell us how do you feel about the idea of your wife keeping a secret from you?"

Vegeta narrowed his eyes. "Oh Maury, it's the best thing ever. I've never felt so glad about anything in my life… OF COURSE I HATE IT, YOU NIMROD! I don't like having secrets kept from me, especially from my supposed 'soul mate'. If she has something to say to me, she should say it in my face!"

Bulma gulped. Maury inched closer, just in case he needed to protect her. "Well… Bulma says she's afraid if she tells you this secret, you might, well… _kill_ her."

Vegeta glanced over at Bulma. "Hm…" he muttered, "I wouldn't dream of hurting Bulma…"

Bulma smiled a little.

"…. But it really depends what kind of secret she's hiding."

The smile went away.

Maury turned to Bulma. "Bulma," he said, "Turn to your husband, and tell him why you brought him here…."

Bulma did as told, and took hold of her husband's hand. "Vegeta…. You know I love you more than anything in the world… Despite your past and you wanting to kill us all at one point, we made it through thick and thin…."

"Spit it out already," grumbled Vegeta.

Bulma took in a deep breath, "The thing is…. Three years ago, at our New Year's Eve party…. I might've slept with someone else…"

Vegeta gave a vicious glare.

"….And I don't think Bra is your's."

"WHAT?!" Vegeta shot up from his seat, knocking it over. He snatched Bulma by her collar and shoved her face into his, "What do you mean she's not mine?!"

"Well..!" Bulma cried, "She looks nothing like you, she doesn't have a tail, she doesn't even have any desire to be violent!"

Vegeta snagged Bulma's shirt with his other hand, grasping tightly, teeth grinding, doing all he could to not punch the woman's brains out.

"Now Vegeta…" Maury calmly stepped next to the prince, "We can settle this… We can do a paternity test, and-"

"BUTT OUT!" Vegeta knocked his fist into Maury's face, sending him flat on his back in an instant. He gave Bulma a violent shake, "Who was it?!" he demanded, "Who slept with you?!"

"I was drunk!" Bulma cried out, "I barely remember! I'm not sure if it was the intern, my father's business partner, or even Yamcha… but-"

Vegeta dropped Bulma to the floor and instantly shot into the sky, crashing through the ceiling, and dashing off.

Maury picked himself off the floor, rubbing his injured face. "Where… where is he going…?"

"Probably to critically injure Yamcha…." Bulma replied, fishing out her cell phone, "If you'll excuse me, I better give him a fair warning before Vegeta bashes his face in…."

Maury sighed. "Very well. We'll be back after these messages…."

**UP NEXT:**

_"Like I said, this isn't Bulma's first time visiting the Maury show! What brought her here first? Is her lying, cheating boyfriend REALLY a liar and a cheater? Find out the results after we gave Yamcha a lie detector test!"_


	3. Yamcha's Lie Detector Test

_**A/N:** Thank you for all your support so far! Sorry about the delay in updates, I had a few commissions to deal with. And paying work comes first ;)_

_Speaking of commissions, I am open to doing writings! If you'd like to commission me for a story or fanfic (I can do any genre), PM me and we can discuss payment details! :D_

* * *

"Welcome back to the Maury show," the graying old man greeted to the cameras and to his audience, as a slightly elder woman with teal hair sat nearby in tears, "Now if you just missed it, Bulma had a heart-wrenching secret she just revealed to her husband Vegeta, who just recently left the set to, um… let's say dish out some revenge. He did, however, leave behind some DNA results, so until we match up the results with their young daughter Bra, let's take a look into the past….

"As I said, this isn't Bulma's first time on the Maury show," Maury continued, "She was here many years ago, putting an ex-boyfriend to another test… a LIE dectector test. Let's take a look….."

* * *

_EIGHTEEN YEARS AGO…_

"Please welcome Bulma to the show!" Maury gestured to the teal-haired, afro human sitting close by, her legs and arms crossed in a huff, "Bulma is a genius girl, heir to the Capsule Corp fortune. Naturally, this draws attention to a lot of guys, am I correct?"

Bulma nodded, "I've had my share."

"And, according to you, so has your current boyfriend Yamcha."

Bulma grit her teeth as the monitors showed the image of a man with black hair and scars running across his left cheek and his right eye standing in the backstage. The audience booed, and Yamcha crossed his arms, annoyed.

"Yes, Maury!" Bulma seethed, "The man is a pig! A useless, loser pig!"

"Am not!" Yamcha spat.

"Are too!" Bulma hissed.

"Now why do you say that?" asked Maury.

"Maury, this man only uses me for my money!" growled Bulma, "He stays at my place rent free, the sex sucks, and worst of all, HE RUNS AROUND ON ME!"

"Bulma, first off, I have my own place!" Yamcha yelled, "I've gained enough of my own money from baseball, and for crying out loud, I DO NOT!"

"YOU DO TOO!" Bulma screeched.

"Why do you think Yamcha is cheating on you?" Maury asked calmly.

"Because, Maury, I've seen the way he looks at other women!" Bulma cried, "He can't keep his eyes off him! And just the other day, a lady tripped and fell, and you want to know what happened?! HE WENT OVER TO HELP HER!"

"She's was like, eighty years old, Bulma!" Yamcha shouted, "I was concerned!"

"You just like them at ANY age, don't you?!"

"NO! Stop being so paranoid!"

"Stop being such a jerk!"

"Now Bulma, let's try to be realistic here," said Maury, "Sometimes men tend to look other women…"

"Are you actually DEFENDING this monster?!" Bulma shouted.

"Now wait, wait…" Maury held out his hand, "I'm just saying, let's give him the benefit of the doubt. Do you have proof or any solid reason to believe he's cheating?"

"I sure do, Maury!" Bulma reached behind her and pulled out a pair of pink panties. At this the audience went wild with "Ooooh!" and "Boooo!" "Maury, I found this on my bedroom floor!" Bulma sneered, "Who do they belong to, Yamcha?!"

Yamcha had his face buried deep in his palm. "Bulma…. WHY would you degrade yourself by airing dirty underwear on national television?"

"STOP DUCKING THE QUESTION!"

"I don't know who they belong to!" Yamcha shouted, "You sure they're not YOURS?"

"I don't WEAR pink underwear!"

"Yes you do!"

"Not THIS shade!"

"You sure it's not your SISTER'S?! Or even your MOTHER'S?!"

"Ewwwww! If I find out you're banging my mother, you are SO DEAD! I don't care if you're one of the world's strongest, I WILL kill you!"

"How long do you think it's been going on?" asked Maury.

"Since, like, FOREVER!" Bulma shouted, "Ever since we first dated, he did nothing but eye other women and run out on me! He says he's training, but I have no doubt he's seeing all sorts of women behind my back!"

"And you're positive?"

"YES! There's no other reasonable explanation!"

"Then why go back to him so many times?"

"Well…" Bulma calmed down a little at this, "He's usually a nice guy most of the time, and when he's NOT cheating on me, he can be really charming and sweet… But then he takes advantage of me, and I feel like such a tool! Besides, I can never seem to catch him in the act…"

"Well, you certainly seem to have a mouthful to say," said Maury, "But let's hear Yamcha's side of the story. Here's what he had to say…."

* * *

_"Maury, I am so SICK and TIRED of all these accusations from Bulma that I'm some two-timing twit giving her the runaround! I've had a fear of women since my younger years, and Bulma was the first girl I could really be comfortable around…. WHY would I date some other bimbos behind her back if I'm still shy around them?! Bulma says I'm constantly ogling other girls, but that's not true! The only time I look at other women is if they're training, and I admire young martial artists. I know I haven't been around much for Bulma, but I've tried explaining that it's because I'm training to protect the world! She needs to understand that I can't give her ALL my attention if I'm trying to make myself stronger! Bulma, I'll try to be a better boyfriend if that's what you want… But accusing me of cheating all the time just makes YOU look insecure, and makes ME look bad, so I want you to KNOCK IT OFF!"_

* * *

Bulma shook her head, not buying a single word.

"Here's Yamcha, everybody!" Maury announced.

The entire crowd booed loudly as Yamcha entered the stage. "Yeah, yeah… whatever…" Yamcha muttered as he made his way to the center where Bulma sat. He tried to kiss her cheek, but she shoved him off and turned away. Groaning, he took a seat far across from her and crossed his arms, frustrated.

"Yamcha," Maury greeted, shaking the man's hand, "These are some serious accusations!"

"Tell me about it," Yamcha muttered.

"What reason would Bulma have to accuse you of these things, if you insist they're lies?"

"Bulma's extremely insecure," said Yamcha, "We were happy dating at first, but she never made it a secret SHE didn't mind 'looking for an upgrade'. And don't get me started on high school. Yes, the ladies flocked to me, but I didn't want any of that! But Bulma just couldn't stand that anyway, could you Bulma?"

"Please!" Bulma growled, "Don't make ME look like the bad guy! You probably enjoyed every moment of it, didn't you?!"

"No!" Yamcha shouted, "I hated it! Too many girls… Eyuch…"

"Whatever," sneered Bulma.

"So Yamcha," Maury continued, "Bulma says you're a defender of the Earth?"

Yamcha nodded. "I am."

"Now isn't THAT something to be proud of?"

The crowd gave a polite applaud, but Bulma was still unimpressed.

"What about the panties?"

"I don't know where they came from!" shouted Yamcha, "I'm positive they're either Bulma's, her sister's, or her mother's… And frankly, I'm a bit disgusted that Bulma would even BRING them on the show like that!"

"Whatever!" Bulma sneered once more.

"What's this about you not liking girls?" asked Maury.

"LIES," Bulma shouted.

"Maury…. I had an incident happen years back," Yamcha explained, "I don't want to go into details, but I used to be extremely afraid of women…. Bulma's helped me ease out of that, but other girls I don't know still make me nervous. So as you can see, I would NOT be the type to 'run around'."

"LIES!" Bulma shouted.

"NOT LIES!" Yamcha shouted back, "I want nothing more in life than to get married!"

"Why don't you ask me already?!"

"Not until you trust me!"

"Why should I trust a playboy dog like yourself?!"

"And that's why I won't ask!"

"That and your two million other girlfriends would surely be upset!"

"DAMMIT, BULMA, I-"

"That's enough!" Maury shouted, holding up a manila envelope, "We're going to find out right now! We gave Yamcha a lie detector test, and we'll see who's right in this feud…."

The crowd gave an enthusiastic applaud as Maury took his seat and opening the results. He took out his reading glasses and read carefully.

"Yamcha…. We asked you…. Do you like Bulma's afro? You ADMITTED to the lie dectector administrator that you don't."

Yamcha blushed as Bulma jumped from her seat, "WHAT?!" she shouted, "My fro is awesome! You said it's unique!"

"I said it was unique all right…" Yamcha murmured, "But I might've said a white lie when I said it looks good… I didn't want to hurt your feelings!"

"I oughta hurt your jaw!" Bulma shouted, threatening a fist, "You probably like straight, bouncy hair from all those minxes you hang around with!"

Maury got up and ushered her back to her seat. "Now now, Bulma," he said, "We haven't gotten to the real meat yet."

"That's right," Bulma crossed her arms, "Let's see how embarrassed you get when you're caught in a REAL lie!"

Yamcha crossed his own arms, confident. "Read the results, Maury…."

"Very well," Maury took his seat and looked over the results once more, "Yamcha… We asked you did the mysterious panties Bulma found in her bedroom come from another woman you slept with? You said no, the lie detector determined… you were telling the truth."

Bulma blinked, astonished, as Yamcha clapped his hands. "Told you!"

The women then grew irritated, "I'm going to have to tell Tights to stop being so sloppy with her laundry… But that still doesn't mean you're off the hook, Yamcha! Read the rest of the results, Maury!"

Maury sighed, not taking being told what to do by his guests lightly. But he continued anyway, "Yamcha, we asked you since you dated Bulma, have you dated any other woman behind her back? You said no, the lie detector determined… you were telling the truth."

"THANK YOU!" cried Yamcha, as the crowd lent their support with an applause.

Bulma still looked irritated. "Still doesn't mean you're innocent…"

"Yamcha," Maury continued, "We asked you since you've started dating Bulma, have you had sex with any other woman other than her, you said no…. The lie detector determined you were telling the truth."

"THANK… YOU!" Yamcha clapped once more.

Bulma's eyes were wide open with realization. She then looked over to Yamcha. "Really…?"

"Really!" Yamcha nodded, "Bulma, you've got to believe me when I say I never cheated!"

Bulma looked down in shame. "I… I'm sorry, Yamcha…" she murmured, "I've just had so many bad relationships… I guess I was too quick to assume you were the same way…"

"It's okay," said Yamcha, pulling his chair closer to her, "I guess if I spent less time training and more time trying to be a decent boyfriend, I wouldn't give you any reason to think I had ulterior motives…"

"Maybe we could go to counseling, or try something," said Bulma, "We still have a chance to make this work…"

"I'd like that," Yamcha smiled, putting an arm around Bulma.

"Wait a minute, guys," said Maury, "There's still one last question."

"I don't need to hear it," said Bulma, laying her head on Yamcha's shoulder.

"Well, can we read it anyway?" asked Maury, "Let's let the audience, who has NOTHING to do with your personal affairs, know the answers."

Yamcha shrugged, "Sure. Why not?"

"Okay then!" Maury smiled and looked at the results, "Yamcha, we asked you if you love Bulma… You said yes…"

Bulma smiled at this.

"The lie detector determined that was a lie."

"WHAT?!" Bulma and Yamcha cried simultaneously.

"Yamcha, you PIG!" Bulma screamed, jumping from her seat and slapping Yamcha across his scarred cheek.

"Bulma, uh, I…"

"You SAY you love me, but you're just using me, aren't you?!"

"NO! I-"

"But Maury just proved you DON'T love me!" the aqua-haired woman screeched, "You just want my money and leech off my awesome fame! Probably to show off to a bunch of other bimbos, huh?!"

"NO!" Yamcha cried, "The tests just proved I didn't-"

"The tests mean JACK!" shouted Bulma, "If you don't love me, why don't you go back to your little fanclub consisting of all those little fangirls?!"

Yamcha grit his teeth and stomped to his feet, "Damn it, Bulma! This is what I'm talking about!" he shouted, "You're so freakin' paranoid! God forbid I don't spend every second with you without you thinking I'm some playboy leech! All right, I admit it! I DON'T love you! In fact, I can't stand the way you're constantly nagging me, and accusing me of sleeping around, and your overall behavior!"

"You've never given me a reason to trust you, you scum!" Bulma screeched, "Can you blame me for feeling like a victim?! You're never around when I need you! When I want something really nice, you always seem to run out of money!"

"Because you ask for insanely expensive things!"

"Wrong! Because you're saving up for something greater for your nitwit girl on the side!"

"That's it! I've had it!" Yamcha stormed off stage, "I'm not going to be accused any longer!"

"That's right!" Bulma shouted, flipping the bird to Yamcha, "Run away from me once more! Probably running into the arms of some blonde bombshell with big boobs and no brain! Typical loser behavior! LOSER! IDIOT! I HATE YOU! I don't need you! Why should I settle with you when Vegeta's still living with us at Capsule Corp?! He's more of a man than you ever will be!"

"Another relationship rekindled," Maury smiled at the cameras, "We'll be back after this!"

* * *

**UP NEXT:** The paternity results are in! Is Vegeta really Bra's father? Or is Bulma about to lose her life for good?


End file.
